Journal
by willowblythe
Summary: /SasuSaku fanfic AU/ After reading the old journal, will Sasuke succeed in stopping Sakura on her intentions?


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

. . .

 _Looking back years ago, I was just an ordinary teen who had passed the entrance exams in one of the prestigious school in Japan and has no idea what will be her life after._

I recognized the handwriting of the text. "This is Sakura's." I am holding an old brown journal that I had picked up from one of the fallen boxes on the floor. It was written like a few days ago. The journal was well kept. Aside from the light traces of color yellow on the leaves, overall, it was on good condition. I wonder what it was doing there hiding in one of the boxes in the attic and not in our bedroom drawers. If Sakura had written something on it a few days ago then it means that she is currently using it. Is she hiding something from me?

I got up and put back all the scattered contents back inside the boxes except for the old journal. I needed an answer and the journal will give me that. Glancing around, I searched for an illuminated empty spot where I can read the rest of Sakura's story. There, I sat in a cross-sitting position near the window where the sun's light was coming, and continue to read.

 _Taking my first step in University of Tokyo as a freshman felt so surreal. I can't believe that I finally made it against all the odds._

Why is she so shocked about that? It's nothing new. She is always good in everything she does.

 _Everyone back at high school labeled me as useless and has no future._

No. I can't believe this. Is this even real?

 _They ridiculed and bullied me every day until I can't take it anymore. Little by little I was about to be drowned in depression to the point that I wanted to give up life and choose death instead. My mind was not on the right track and my body isn't either. I'm too tired ignoring their comments and their existence; too tired to even bother fighting back. In short, my whole being was degraded and shamed and I was helpless that time._

This is something I did not expect. From what I see, this is some kind of open-letter. But, why hide it from me? As if I will read it. "Stupid." I cursed. Yes, that is what I am doing. Only because I got curious not that I really care.

 _However, my parents were always right there for me. It took me long enough to noticed it, to noticed their love for me. They are not the vocal type that says I love you everyday instead they show it in their actions. I'm such a fool ignoring the signs of their love for me. I suddenly felt ashamed of myself. All this time I only cared about how my schoolmates think of me and failed to see those people who believed in me. I thought I was alone._

I felt a sudden tug on my chest. I knew that feeling. The feeling of being ignored and not be noticed but in my case, it is the other way around.

 _So, I gave life another chance and took the risk._

I didn't and now I regret it.

 _I wanted to become someone of importance and useful to many. And that is how I decided to become a doctor._

Never once did I doubt her capabilities to heal. She is very passionate, dedicated and good to her field. I never thought there was a bitter reason behind it.

 _Years of training were very tough. Glad I made it alive. First, my pre-med course just made me experienced all the things beyond what an ordinary student can imagine. From long hours of lecture, memorizing indecipherable terminologies and diseases, taking samples and blood shots, checking bacteria on a microscope up until to dissecting a cadaver. One should have guts to pursue medicine, I must say._

Yes. She is right. I cannot imagine Naruto or myself doing it. Naruto is my only best friend thought I won't admit it in front of him; aside from Sakura, he and his parents were my only family _now_.

 _Sometimes, those late nights I'm working with my homework, report, or thesis, I just wished that there is thirty-six hours a day. Why? Simply because an average med student don't get enough sleep. I want to sleep yet I have to finish a work or I have to get ready for a report or I have to memorize this and review that. It's a cycle. I barely have enough time to be out and get a social life much more to be in a relationship. Every time I see other College students having fun in the mall while I'm stock in the bookstore or laboratory supplies section, I just want to give up and choose another career instead. I lost count how many times did I said that. All I know College of Medicine made me feels I belong with everyone. Funny, because getting a C is common, getting less than 20 in Anatomy is common, puking is common, and the list of 'is common' go on. We all struggle with the same dilemma every day, help each other in any way and encourage ourselves be better the next day._

 _Years passed, and finally my most awaited day had come. Graduation. A_ _ll the years of my hard work paid off. I was one of students who graduated with flying colors. I did it. I made myself and my parents proud. First step in becoming a doctor done!_

 _I thought my life is finally settling and everything is near perfect until the day of the accident._

The accident? I stiffened. I know where this is coming.

 _After graduation, I took multiple entrance examination for a med school. Luckily, I got accepted in one of the Universities I applied. Everything went well._

 _Then… on my third year … I remember it perfectly. The day of the acc..ent, the …. that k..lld my pa.…ts._

I noticed her handwriting becomes unreadable due to the smudge ink on the last few words. Did she cry while writing this? I raised the journal more closely to my eyes for better view.

 _'The day of the accident, the road accident that killed my parents.'_

There is no doubt about it now. She did cry. I knew because Sakura had told me the story before. It was very painful for Sakura, a soon-to-become a doctor, to witness her own parents dying and can't do anything to help them live.

I skipped that part because I already knew it. I wonder why she had to write it in the first place. The pain of the past is too unbearable. Why write it? It kind of reminds me of my own parents. If there is something similar between us, it is our parents. They are both involved in a tragic accident.

I turned the next page and continue reading.

 _But, I have to move on and continue with life._

 _So after another year, I became an official general practitioner of medicine. And like the rest of the top students, I easily got a job on one of the biggest hospital in Japan. In just two years of residency I already made a name in the hospital._

 _Then, he came to my life._

And she came to my life.

 _It was the day of my promotion when I first saw him._ _He sat on the lobby while waiting for his business partner, my patient, Naruto._

 _On the outside, he was the typical business man wearing suit and necktie._ _Everyone was staring at him including me. I knew at that moment our lives will intertwine starting from then on._

 _Naruto was my regular patient. He introduced me to him. I don't know how and when but we became close, super close like that of best friends. Then one day, I realized, I already fell in love with him._

I can't believe what my eyes are seeing. My heart, my mind, and body are all going wild. Is this real? I sat there staring blankly on the floor and contemplating whether to continue reading or not.

I am afraid of her next words.

I am afraid of the _… truth_.

With more courage, I turned the next page.

 _He is stoic and cold in reality but everybody only care for his good looks. I am not. I am different from them. I knew to myself that he is a victim like me, that he is another victim of life. Though he won't tell me, just by being near with him, I can tell that he is suffering from the same pain I am experiencing. I feel like there is a connection tied between us. And that connection made me so sure that man, Uchiha Sasuke, is the one._

I can feel my chest is starting to wrench in pain. So this is what she thought of me all along.

 _We got married._

 _Not because he felt the same so he asked my hand, but because we made a mistake._ _It just happened. A one night stand. I am a doctor so I know the signs of being pregnant. I took a test to confirm it and it's positive. The next day, I told him that I am carrying his baby inside my womb. He has no reaction instead he told me that he will take responsibility and left._

It's because I don't know what you feel about the baby, Sakura. That time, my body was full of emotions and I don't know which one is the right one to show you. I am ecstatic to the idea of becoming a father yet I am afraid if you didn't want the baby for it will ruined your career. I wanted you to keep it.

 _And he did._

 _We marry each other, became legal spouses, and live in the same house. However, one thing is missing._

 _Love._

 _I tried my best to reach out to him, to see if he feels the same way for me or at least make him feel the same. Yet to my dismay, he didn't. He remained on his usual self._

"No. You're wrong" I whispered to myself feeling guilty. I admit it. I was a coward Sakura. I always deny my feelings for you. So in the end, I always end up hurting you.

I am so sorry.

 _Yes. I am selfish. His presence was not enough for me because I_ _don't need his pity. It's his heart the baby and I needed and he can't give us that._

You already have it and I am willing to give it to the both of you.

 _It hurts that life, even now, doesn't want me to experience the full potential of being happy._

 _I'm tired._

 _I wanted to escape._

 _I wanted to be away from him—_ _the father of the child I'm carrying and the man whom I deeply love—the lone person who is causing me this grief._

No.

No.

No.

After reading the last words, I felt a fresh hot tears running along the sides of cheeks making the page of the journal wet. The pain that I am feeling inside my heart was too much to handle. I needed to see her. I needed to know that she is still here. I needed to let her know how I feel.

This time I will be dauntless.

I can't let her get away.

Not now.

. . .

 **A/N:**

Hope you guys like it! English is not my first language so please bear with my grammar.

Comment down your thoughts. Reviews are very much appreciated.


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